Why Your Life, For Good Or Bad, Is Your Fault

Everyone seems to have excuses for why they're struggling. The logical acrobatics people can do to direct the blame for where they are in life to anything other than themselves is astonishing. I'm sorry that I don't believe you. I don't accept your excuses.

I am 42, happily married, and have four daughters, a son, and two grandchildren. I own my house and cars, and earn considerably over six figures each year all after having spent most of my life in prison. 

If that sounds like boasting then you're very perceptive because that's absolutely what I am doing. You should be angry that someone like me can say that and here's why:

I am the product of my old man knocking up his side-piece girlfriend. I have 6 siblings. I was that bastard baby that caused their family so much hardship. Not my gangster dad's infidelity, no, the inescapable proof of it. I was the consequence that reminded everyone. What's even better was my mother, desperate to be loved by him, mirrored this disdain as well. So there's my life on day one, no advantages detected. What's your excuse?

My father's interactions with me only existed when I'd get arrested and his responses were only disgust towards me for being the "wrong kind of criminal".  He didn't like the new school way of doing things. Apparently, we had no class. 

My mother spent most of her time in and out of mental asylums. My old man had broken her. She kicked me out of the house once to commit suicide because it was important my father find her and she didn't want me to ruin her masterplan. She somehow survived that attempt but I didn't come back afterwards. I was too busy hustling to deal with her. I had just officially become a teenager, practically an adult, time to set off on my own. So there was no family structure to help me. What's your excuse?

I failed in school, simply being pushed to the next grade in spite of failing grades. I only showed up because it was warm in the winter and there were vending machines I could steal from. According to the Ohio DRC, I have a double-digit IQ. I never got past the 9th grade and didn't learn to read until I was an adult. Tutored by Lifers in the Joint so I could get my prison GED. Therefore I'm not smarter than you. What's your excuse?

I learned how to spot and warn people when a cop was coming by the time I was 6, was running drugs and corner money by 8, and robbing dealers and stash houses by 14. By the time I hit puberty the sound of gunshots wouldn't even distract me from the cartoons I was watching and the sight of someone being killed was nothing more than something to gossip about later. I had no basic moral compass to help me along. What's your excuse?

I celebrated my 18th birthday in solitary confinement. I had been bound over to serve time as an adult after having been sentenced as a juvenile to spend the next 15 years in a high-security prison. I wasted no time fully accepting my new home and getting into as much trouble as I could find. 

For someone who lived as I did, this was like going to crime college to get my PHD in The Game. While you were learning how to pay bills I was learning how to make a tattoo gun from a walkman radio. The life you began building at 18 I didn't reach until I was in my 30's. I've had a fraction of the time you've had to figure things out to get where I am now. What's your excuse?

I entered the workforce about a decade ago. Less than a week after getting out I got a seasonal job loading trucks. My very first adult paycheck. With absolutely no skills, work history, employment experience, and a book of felonies, I got a job. 

It paid minimum wage and there was a looming layoff coming, but it was a start. An interviewer hired a convicted felon with nothing to offer except legal liabilities simply because I convinced her I wanted to work. What's your excuse?

That job was the least amount of money I had ever made in my entire life. Crime pays well when you're good at it. I made more money from my 2 points transporting a re-up in the early 90s than what I'd earn there in a week. However this was legitimate, I paid taxes now like a real-life citizen. Therefore, in order to get where I am, I first had to go significantly backward. What's your excuse?

I wasn't without responsibilities either. I got married while I was in prison and on day one of freedom took on the duty of supporting my wife and two stepchildren. I also took full legal custody of my biological daughter 8 months later. 

Without a lawyer, I convinced a court that I was the better parent to have her. I was the sole income earner in my house with only the new factory job I had managed to get. I didn't know how to use the Internet or a DVD player but I figured out how to do that. What's your excuse?

I refused to spend money on anything other than food and bills. I got rides and even walked to work so I could save every penny possible rather than getting a car. I bought a foreclosed house and watched enough YouTube videos to figure out how to fix it. A few years later I sold it for enough to pay for more than half of the one we're in now. I started with crap so I could have better later. What's your excuse?

Until I got the job I have now, I always worked at least two full time. Now I make a very good living and I accomplished that by constantly applying for positions I was completely unqualified for. Job interviews were basically my hobby. The dozens who told me no didn't matter. I only needed one to say yes. Eventually one did. 

Now I wear a suit and don't have to break my back any longer. I was finally able to comfortably support myself and my family with no additional sacrifices. What's your excuse?

People don't lack opportunities, they lack the aspiration that's fueled by desperation. They're not willing to suffer, to put the work in, to take the chances necessary to succeed. I purposefully had no plan B. I either had to get this right the first time or end up back where I started. The only advantage I've ever had was my ability to endure, to suffer with a smile. 

Fortunately, that's an advantage any of you can choose to have yourself. There's no secret. Just do the thing that's in front of you and aim for more than you believe you can accomplish. I'm here and I still misspell my own middle name. What's your excuse?

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.