Review: The Children We Left Behind

“Father is not just a noun; it’s a verb.” In Adam Coleman’s new book out April 1st, The Children We Left Behind, the author explains how fatherhood is often viewed as not just a simple noun (merely one who impregnates a woman) but an increasingly vanishing noun. Too many American children are missing their fathers and growing up with a feeling of loss and inadequacy because their own blood, someone who's supposed to love them unconditionally, abandoned them.

What happens to those kids who never (or barely) knew the person who supplied half their genetics? What happens to the children whose sole parent is so busy providing for the family that she is never around and unable to spend quality time with her children? What happens to the children who have no biological parents or family and ping pong through the foster care system only to age out with no assistance, financial or otherwise, to help with transitioning into independent adult living?

The children we leave behind are all around us and more likely to abuse drugs, have depression, and even commit suicide. The scars of having absent parents last longer than adolescence. With the cycle of fatherlessness often becoming generational as an increasing number of American kids grow up in homes with only one parent.

Adam recounts his own experience of having a largely absent father how his childhood was marred with bouts of mental illness and how a stint in a mental health facility shaped him into adulthood. He eloquently illustrates the pain of having a piece missing from you, always wondering what could (or should) have been. And the crushing disappointment of realizing that one of the few people a child is supposed to count on, has no interest in him at all.

The Children Left Behind includes a harrowing account of Cari who was born into abuse, abandoned by her father, and groomed into sex abuse as a very young child by her mother, only to make her way into the foster care system. Reading Cari’s experience, you wonder how many Caris are out there. How different would so many lives (and society as a whole) be if people like Cari were not left behind?

But despite the rise in single parenthood, all isn't lost. We as a society can change. By taking an active role in our own families, responsibly planning for children, learning from our mistakes, and holding others accountable for theirs. It's never too late to be an active, involved, and loving parent. By modeling good behavior ourselves and condemning bad behavior in others, especially our family and friends, we can stop the normalization of leaving children behind. Adam’s new book is an essential read for those interested in the devastating effects of child abandonment and the importance of family.