Why You Shouldn’t Put Your Pronouns In Your Bio

“My pronouns are he/him.”  “My pronouns are she/her.”  “My pronouns are they/them.”

At this point, I’m sure you have seen Twitter bios or have been introduced to someone who promptly tells you their pronouns.  Or maybe your work requests you put your pronouns in your signature for your emails.  This is a very new trend for individuals and businesses to take to announce pronouns to the world.  

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor.  I got into the field to be able to help individuals solve problems they are having.  Part of what is troubling me about this pronoun trend is the push the mental health community is having on forcing others to state their pronouns. The reason this is pushed is because of “gender-affirming care.”  In this model, we need to affirm the gender of other people.  Proponents of gender-affirming care say if we don’t do this we could increase the negative effects of mental health in transgender people.  Basically, if the culture doesn’t affirm someone’s self-identified gender then this increases their risk of depression, anxiety, and potentially suicide.  

Let me line out why I think using preferred pronouns is a bad idea.  

1. Gender is NOT a social construct

This is the main argument against gender-affirming care.  They believe gender is just a “social construct.”  They argue sex is an immutable trait but gender is not.  Until recently sex and gender were used interchangeably.  Sex is a binary.  There are males and there are females.  This determination is made at conception and is not a choice.  Stating your pronouns is going along with this gender theory.  

There is a lot more to the gender theory movement.  I’ll link to this Matt Walsh video where he breaks down the disgusting origins of this. 

2. You are NOT responsible for other’s emotions and problems

This is something I talk about with my clients often.  “I don’t want to make them feel upset.”  “I can’t believe I made them angry.”  I will correct this language and let my clients know they are only responsible for their own actions.  Once I start believing I’m responsible for other people’s thoughts/feelings that leads to emotional manipulation. 

Let's say an abusive husband tells their wife it’s her fault he is beating her and that she made him do it.  I’m assuming everyone would agree that’s ridiculous.  The abusive husband is absolutely at fault for not controlling his emotions and he is trying to manipulate his wife. 

This is obviously a pretty extreme example but this is the same type of logic-if you don’t “respect pronouns” then you are responsible for the death of trans individuals.  This is emotional manipulation and you do not have to go along with it.  Refusing to use someone else’s pronouns or refusing to state your own is not harmful behavior.  You do not have to accept that. 

3. First, Do no Harm

Everyone in the healthcare field knows the phrase “first, do no harm.”  This means we need to make sure we don’t actively harm anyone.  If I come in with a twisted knee and you amputate it off this is harmful.  You can argue “I took your knee pain away” but that’s simply not good enough.  

Using preferred pronouns for many is normalizing a mental illness.  Having a gender identity issue is a mental illness.  I don’t say that in a rude way.  For instance, I have struggled with anxiety at times.  My anxiety would be classified as a mental diagnosis.  Saying someone has a mental illness is not being hateful.  We need to normalize access and treatment of mental illness.  This is very different from normalizing the illness itself.

Let’s take my anxiety for example.  If I sought counseling for my anxiety we would discuss ways to cope with this anxiety, find strategies to manage it better, and undress the underlying reasons why it might be there.  In Gender affirming care however a counselor would instruct everyone else around you to accept your gender.  There would be little to no exploration into underlying conditions such as trauma and even autism. 

This leads to harm.  We are harming families by coercing them into “accepting” their children with different pronouns, names, clothing, and possibly puberty blockers/surgery.  We are harming children by confusing them into not accepting the sex they were created.  We are spreading social contagion and potentially causing more people to identify as trans despite this historically being a very low number.  And we are also harming transgender individuals by not providing them with legitimate treatment for their concerns. 

Now you may think all of these reasons are an overreaction to just stating pronouns.  However, starting with using pronouns in this way is approving of gender-affirming care.  As a counselor, I aim to speak out against this evil.  I encourage you to think deeply about what worldview you are supporting if you support stating pronouns.