When Small Talk Isn’t Enough

People Are Philosophers

Recently, I went out to dinner with some neighbors. We laughed, told stories, and enjoyed each other’s company. Some might say this isn’t the proper place for deep conversations—but these are friendly, intelligent people with diverse life experiences, and I wanted to tap into that. So I tried steering a (non-political) discussion into deeper water.

Big mistake! The conversation lost momentum, and a few minutes later, everyone was headed to the door. Looking back, I should have read the room better and kept it light. But this rather benign incident got me thinking about a bigger issue—why is small talk so popular?

Most of us don’t consider ourselves philosophers, but we really are. After all, we engage in it whenever we ask important questions about life. Picture a child looking at the stars and asking, What’s out there? A teenager wrestling with natural growing pains. A parent worrying about raising their children well. A senior reflecting on whether their life has mattered, and how they can still contribute. These aren’t trivial musings—they’re raw, down-to-earth examples of philosophy in its purest form.

Not all philosophies are equal, and not all lead to good places. Some cultivate humility; others collapse into pride. History’s brightest secular minds often chose the latter. Descartes started with the self: “I think, therefore I am.” Kant doubled down on subjectivism: we can’t know reality itself, only our own perception of it. Then Nietzsche and Sartre pushed further, making the human will the measure of everything. Smart men, no doubt—but when it comes to life’s ultimate purpose and meaning, secular notions always came up short.

By contrast, some of the greatest Christian thinkers saw philosophy as a road that leads to bigger and better things. Justin Martyr and Clement of Alexandria called philosophy a preparation for the Gospel. Augustine repented of the restless pride and discovered the peace that comes from God alone. Aquinas called philosophy the maid servant of theology. Bonaventure insisted that philosophy, though valuable, must be perfected by Divine Revelation if it is to lead to true enlightenment.

So where do we begin? The path looks different depending on the season of life we’re in. Parents with young children can begin like Justin and Clement, who saw classical logic and philosophy as a schoolmaster that would help their children dig deeper into the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Teens and young adults can learn from Augustine, who tested philosophies until he realized that cleverness without God is unfulfilling. His story reminds us not to measure ideas by how smart they sound or how popular they are.

In midlife, Aquinas urges us to step back from the daily grind and ask whether our striving is leading us toward the narrow gate of heavenly beatitude.

In the evening of life, Bonaventure helps us gather a harvest of wisdom—often learned the hard way—and return it, with gratitude, to a world that desperately needs it.

Another approach is the long march through the history of philosophy: start with the ancient Greeks, move through the Stoics, then wrestle with the epistemologists, existentialists, pragmatists, positivists, utilitarians, and more. By the time your head stops spinning, you may be ready to explore the profound wisdom of the Christian intellectual and theological tradition—a magnificent treasure trove that can guide you toward a joyful life.

So why is small talk so popular? Former U.S. Education Secretary Bill Bennett offered a good answer in an interview he did concerning Charlie Kirk’s assassination:

“We have created a world where it is safer to be silent than to speak, safer to conform than to question, safer to hide than to stand. There is a certain relief in that. But timidity does come with a very high cost.”

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.