The Real Reason We’re Not Having Kids

It’s Not Financial Costs Or Feminism Causing Declining Births-Its Nihilism

Someone recently asked me what I do for fun. After thinking for a while, my honest answer was to take my children for a casual outing. That's now “fun’ to me as a mom of 5. I don't go to parties or take elaborate vacations - I take my kids to Walmart.

During my time as a young feminist, had I known, I would end up as a stay-at-home mom who goes to the grocery store for “fun” I would’ve thought I’d be destined for hell and probably never have had kids. If parents tell young people this is the reality of being married and having children, I imagine they’d feel similar to my feminist self too. 

I now can't imagine life without kids. They are the best thing that EVER happened to me. But it’s difficult to get young people to understand giving up fun and material possessions for family is worth it. 

We frequently hear about the declining birth rate and how many around the world with specific emphasis on industrialized countries are failing to have children. The American birth rate has fallen 23% from 2007-2022. The US birth rate is now below replacement level with every woman having 1.6 children. 

Many will handwave this off as a good thing. ‘We have 8 billion people on the planet, why do we need more’ they’ll say. But humans are resources. We need human capital to live prosperous lives. And it is impossible to care for older people or have robust social programs with a shrinking populous to support them. So having a dwindling population IS a bad thing.

But what's causing it? 

The first and lazy excuse is to cite the rising cost of almost every single item and service we use. Just like how groceries, gas, transportation, interest rates, housing prices & everything in between are rising, the cost of childcare is rising as well. However many countries are beginning to lessen this burden. 

Many European countries provide generous incentives including maternity leave, even up to a year, and in some places, this includes paternity leave. Free or low-cost daycare is also available. Some countries even offer financial incentives for each child. In Hungary, a family who has four children is exempted from paying income tax for life!

While there may be limited success with couples having more children, these incentives seem to be having little effect, as the birth rate still remains below replacement level. In some places, it's as low as 1.2.

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So if it’s not financial costs, why are so few having families?

A growing but thankfully small cohort of mostly religious so-called conservatives suggest feminism and the notion that women are equal to men is leading women to reject family creation (at least while they’re young) and instead, opt for college/career. But the vast majority of mothers (70%) are in the workforce. And Israel where more women than men are college-educated has one of the highest fertility rates among industrialized nations at 3.1. 

So if it's not the financial cost or ‘feminism’ causing low birth rates, what else could it be? 

Fertility rates are naturally falling all over the world. The sperm counts of modern men are significantly different from their counterparts 50 years ago. And people are waiting till later to get married and have children which might make getting pregnant more difficult and shorten the window of fertility. The average age for a first-time mom in the US is now 27.

So we have environmental and financial factors working against family creation. But it feels like there’s more to it.

There’s a growing division between the sexes with both a ‘men going their own way’ or ‘red pill’ movement and a similar one for women. Both movements call for swearing off relationships and children.

There seem to be many different factors that play into these movements. In Korea, many women are growing frustrated with what they call an extreme misogynistic culture. The ‘red pill’ movement in the US claims divorce laws are their primary gripe where women walk away with half the man’s things. But upon a deep dive into it, it appears animosity toward women is at the heart of it. 

Young men seem to be moving politically right and young women politically left. And it is this nihilistic zeitgeist that is pushing communities apart & encouraging young people to focus on themselves rather than others.

Why get married when so many are subpar and you can have a fresh new girlfriend/boyfriend with the season? And of course, you can’t settle down with anything less than a $30,000 engagement ring and a $100,000 wedding. And if you do decide to have children who is going to watch them when you take your monthly vacation to Miami? How about all the trips you have planned to Europe it’s gonna be a real drag taking kids (trust me, I know).

Modern young people have grown up on a steady diet of “you’re special“, constant screen time, and absentee parents and are accustomed to getting their way and focusing on themselves. Having children is a huge sacrifice. Once you bring a child into the world, your life no longer revolves around you. You can’t get up and go wherever you want. You are beholden to the whims of this tiny person you created.

As a mom, I feel & see a certain disdain for families, especially for big families. It is accepted and even celebrated to state how one hates children. It’s becoming commonplace to see businesses, restaurants & events that forbid children. There is no other demographic in which this is accepted. 

If we want people to have children we have to raise our children to become self-sustaining adults who care not just about experiences and material possessions.  We have to get young people to mature at the same rate we were all expected to mature. And we have to get them to understand that having children is not another thing or title to obtain.  

It's about creating our replacements. It's continuing the circle of life (and survival of our species) which is what ALL living things do. Children aren't an annoyance-they are human beings, they are the future. They should be protected from discrimination as ALL other groups are. Saying you hate children should be no different than saying you hate any other demographic group!

Unfortunately, Gen Z appears to be so ensnared in this zeitgeist, that it's hard to see them turning from wokeness and back to an optimistic mindset. But Gen Alpha having tasted the good life and seeing Gen Z tumble down the rabbit hole may be able to right the ship.

It is up to us to instill in them a love for humanity, God, freedom, and country. A wonder of the world and all the possibilities in space exploration, medical advancements, and breakthrough technology. Not postmodernism, transhumanism, or worship of money and the greedy monsters who push it.

Is Gen Alpha up to the task? We better make sure they are.

Rebecca Velo is a mom, wife, and political writer. She is the Opinion Editor for Wrong Speak Publishing and also writes for Substack. You can follow her on X.

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.