The Problem With Kindness
“Be kind”, this saying can be found everywhere from your kid’s school to the windshield on the truck right in front of you. Be kind used to be a great message! As a mother, I've often found myself saying this to my own children, usually when there is a squabble between siblings. But this seemingly innocuous phrase is now being misappropriated and used in an effort to suppress speech and dissent.
‘Be kind’, they say, and submit to our ideology otherwise you are mean and disrespectful. Almost daily throughout the media and social platforms, there is some reference to the lack of kindness from right-wingers. Be kind and refer to that obvious man as ‘she’. Be kind and agree with our point of view. Be kind and tell that Black child he won't do well in school because of historical injustices.
But what does it mean to be kind? Why does kindness only seem to be needed for one side of the ideological spectrum? Why does only ONE group of people seem worthy of kindness? And how do we know we are actually being kind and not being cruel?
Is it kind to lie? Is it kind to tell a delusional person who is hearing voices that you hear them as well? Is it kind to tell children that what makes them boys or girls is their subjective feelings NOT their bodies? Is it kind to tell Black children that they are less than their White counterparts, and they are less then because of the mere existence of White people? Is it kind to tell women they can't be called women or mother because someone might get offended?
If I were an alcoholic trying to get sober and I asked you to give me a beer, what would you do? What is the kind thing to do in that situation? As an alcoholic, I may be despondent over my sobriety and insist I NEED to drink. I may be suicidal or even physically dependent on alcohol. I might scream and yell and issue all sorts of threats until I receive my drink. And what will your reaction be? What is the best way to be kind to me? Should you provide me what I want, and push me further down the track to an early grave because that seems like the kind thing to do? Or should you refuse to enable me and instead push me to get help?
Sometimes being kind is hard. Sometimes to be truly kind we have to let people hurt a bit and sit with that pain, which is part of life! Sometimes doing the right and kind thing isn't so easy and isn't so obvious.
Being kind is such a simple concept, children can very easily understand it. Treating ALL people-not just certain groups with respect, dignity, and tolerance is something most kids tend to do naturally. Kids understand that people are different. We all look different with different skin color, hair color, belief systems etc. And in general, children do not care about these differences. It is us who create the prejudice in them. It is us that teach them that some people are bad and instill bigotry in them. And so it is up to us to allow them to remain kind. It is up to us to allow them to see each other not as a skin color, sex, or religion but as fellow humans. It is up to us to allow kids to judge people based on their character, as MLK said and judge them as WHO they are rather than on their skin color, sex or WHAT they are.
In the last season of Game of Thrones (spoiler alert), one of the main characters achieved her goal of becoming queen. But after obtaining her goal which spanned the entire series she wasn't satisfied. She wanted to continue going and declare herself queen of the entire world not just her realm. When her partner warned her of the repercussions of her newfound philosophy she assured him it was alright because THEY were the good guys. She assured him she would treat everyone kindly and be a just queen. But he knew that belief was incompatible with being just. If you believe that only you are the kind and just one and because of this it's permissible for you to exhort control over all others, you are not a good or kind person.
It is simply not possible to believe yourself to be superior to others and remain a good person, because a truly good and kind person would never think of themselves as superior and force their will on others.
For those in the ‘be kind’ brigade, it's important that we ask ourselves how exactly we are being kind. Being kind should mean treating ALL with respect! That includes those who think and believe differently than you. I do not believe in gender ideology. That does not make me a bad person as most humans do not believe in this ideology either. And although I think radical adherents of this movement are bigots, I do not think they should be silenced! I do not think they deserve to be discriminated against. They shouldn't be treated with kindness and respect regardless of how they believe.
Why are some so concerned with being kind to ONLY those with whom they agree?
You cannot call yourself kind if you exhibit kindness only to certain people! We are coming to a point when those who claim to be kind but do not exhibit any kindness can no longer claim ignorance. When there is so much evidence of unkindness and politically motivated hatred that if you continue to support political superiority you are complicit in it.
It's time we advocate for TRUE kindness! Let's be kind to EVERYONE regardless of who they are or what they think. Everyone deserves the right to speech and belief. What you deem ‘hate speech’, I deem truth, and that's OK. Don't be Daenerys from Game of Thrones. You cannot be a good person if you think ONLY you and like-minded people are right. THAT'S not kind!
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
Coercive Kindness and Situational Kindness, is not kindness. These people are like an abuser beating the crap out of you while screaming that they love you. Every thing they do is a performance, and I'm not playing along. I don't need some vapid bubble dweller telling me how to be anything especially kind.
Considering there are only 2 sexes. I don't have to respect someone that says they are a different gender and then invades the private spaces of the other sex. I don't have to respect someone that says they are a different gender and competes against the opposite sex in sporting events. Kindness would be telling them you need help you aren't that gender. What is really happening with these movements though is they are taking us back to where we used to be. The same people that had us there to begin with as a country. They are taking away women's rights. They are causing black people to desire to self-segregate. All these things this country fought for and we are being taken back. It is just painted a different way now.