I’m more partial to cats than I am to dogs. They’re a lot less maintenance and less inclined to sniff my... well, you get it. That said, I generally have no issue with pets. If they’re well-behaved and make you happy, have at it.
That said, I prefer kids; they’re cuter, more fun to play with, and serve an important function in society. Ya, I’m taking a brave stance, right?
What’s the connection? For one, behavior. Pets require their owners to train them, while kids need attentive, responsible parents.
“Owner?” you might say, “don’t you mean ‘pet parent?’” My response? Come here so I can punch you. I don’t know which statement is more annoying, “we’re pregnant” or “I’m a pet parent.” No matter how much you love your pet, you aren’t its parent.
A little while back, I wrote an article about Zoomers, the cost of lunch, and the importance of budgets. I had no intention of returning to the subject until I listened to a podcast recently that informed me that there are more pets in Australia than people.
Insert jaw drop here
What does this have to do with budgets, you might ask? Well, during the discussion, one of the hosts mentioned that he budgets $10,000 ($6,984 USD) per year for his dog.
Insert jaw drop here
Math is hard!
There are two issues at play here; the first is money. Young people complain, with justification, that there is an affordability crisis and that housing is beyond reach. Yet many seem resistant to making the necessary sacrifices required to achieve their financial goals.
I covered why eating out regularly and carrying credit card debt is a bad idea in the last article. If you don’t understand this, you may as well stop reading and go treat yourself to a $28 lunch - after you buy your next tattoo, of course - because you are beyond saving.
However, these costs would seem to be minor when compared to pet ownership.
This is no fringe issue; ~45–60% (rising) of Zoomers have pets. Many of them have multiple pets.
Pets would appear to be like tattoos; once you get one, you can’t stop yourself from getting another. This is no small issue when talking about budgets.
I have a pet. I’ve had a few. However, I didn’t get one until other financial matters were addressed. There’s a word for this: “priorities.”
Complaining about the cost of living, housing, groceries, etc., while owning expensive pets is an example of an inability to prioritize.
How big of an issue is it?
I’d say big since “nearly 40% of pet owners recently surveyed by LendingTree said they had gone into debt because of their pet. And among households with pet debt, nearly 1 in 4 have at least $1,000 in pet debt.”
How you spend your money is your decision; just don’t bitch to me about how hard your life is.
“Pets are people!”
The second issue with “runaway pet ownership” affects more than the pet owner; it affects society at large. Let’s call it “misplaced values.” This is where “pet parent” comes into play.
If you follow the news, you likely know that there is an immigration debate going on. This debate is influenced by declining fertility rates in the West, where countries have seen rates fall below the replacement level.
Pet ownership isn’t the cause, but it certainly isn’t helping. Especially when so many people identify as “pet parents” and put pet ownership, yes, ownership, on an equal footing as parenthood.
The fact that there are more pets in Australia than people came as a surprise, so I looked into a few other countries, and while it’s not quite that bad, it’s not good. Especially when we compare it to the number of children each country has.
For three countries with insufficient fertility rates, having more pets than children is a disturbing sign. It’s also getting worse as people replace having children with having pets.
Note: If you say, “fur babies,” I will have you killed.
A “simple” plan
Would these countries be better off if more people had chosen children over pets? How many more children would need to exist for their fertility rates to be above replacement?
It’s a hard question to answer. You can’t directly convert today’s child population into a fertility rate. However, you can estimate how many additional children would have been born over the past 18 years if each country had maintained replacement-level fertility (about 2.1 children per woman) instead of its actual fertility rate.
How many kids aren’t being born because “pet parents” equate cats and dogs to people? Hard to say, but society would be better off if we had more children.
How do we change this?
I’m generally against taxes, but if I thought it would fix the problem, I’d suggest a very high tax on pet ownership. Given the numbers, it might even fix the budget issues at the same time.
It won’t work, though. With pet ownership sitting well north of 50%, it would never pass. We’ll just have to fall back on the old tried-and-true methods.
Guilt and shame.
So here is a message from us “olds” to you young’uns: we’re not getting any younger, and we want to be grandparents at some point. I get it, kids are expense and you’re “not ready.”
Who ever was?
They don’t hand out books that say, “here’s how to be a parent.” Actually, it’s worse than they do, but they all contradict each other. You make mistakes, and you learn as you go. Just like everyone has. Yes, it’s hard work. And expensive.
But it’s much more rewarding than pet ownership. Something you can’t understand until you have a child. My advice to pet owners in general and “pet parents” specifically?
Grow up! Start having kids. Your dog isn’t going to visit you in your old age home. Neither will your cat. Worse, if you die alone, your cat will probably eat you. We’ll never solve the fertility crisis as long as society puts pets on equal footing with people.
So “get busy!” I’ll even, grudgingly, allow you to say “we’re pregnant” if it will seal the deal. Until then, I’m thinking of selling bumper stickers that say, “Save the West, punch a pet parent.”
Any takers?
About the Author
Phil is a freelance writer, Canadian Navy veteran, and classical liberal. He has lived and worked in both Canada and the United States and currently resides in Vancouver, British Columbia, where he writes on politics, individual rights, free speech, and whatever else catches his fancy.
📰 Hoist the Black Flag — politics, rights, and free speech
😄 Schrödinger’s Chicken — because sometimes you just need to laugh
If you enjoyed this piece
The single best thing you can do is hit the like button — it costs nothing and tells the algorithm this is worth sharing. After that, a restack puts it in front of readers who might never have found it otherwise.
If you’d like to support the writing directly, subscribing or buying a coffee goes a long way. Either way, thank you for reading — it genuinely matters.
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.
When I am referred to as my dog's mom, I respond that I am bitch, but not that kind. I see young people pushing their pooches in baby carriages. I will give into the elderly old lady pushing her 15 year old dog in a carriage but no one in their 20s and 30s should be doing this. I feel like I am watching something from the Twilight Zone.
I am an adoptive father. People irk me when they say they "adopted" a dog. No, you do not adopt a dog any more than you buy a child. It's a dog, not a person.