Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
The Importance Of Being Open To Friendship
What if we have the power to make our lives and society better, but we're avoiding it? Much of the pain in the world today is caused by the breakdown of human relationships. Your political persuasion doesn't matter; we're all little tribal snowflakes now.
The Bible says God hates cowardice. Usually, people view that as a reference to the importance of boldly standing for Christ in a fallen world. I agree, but I think it's also about something almost as important: being brave enough to have friction in our lives.
In the age of social media, friendships are cheap because, after all, with these little boxes, we have the whole world to choose from; why not be picky? So, many of us sift our environment, diligently discarding anyone who might be different from us. It's become too uncomfortable to interact with someone with an alternative view on any issue. It's no longer possible for people to say, "Mary is all wet about such and such, but she's a great gal, and she's my friend." No, we must only be in the presence of clones of ourselves.
People will say that they avoid disagreement because it feels like rejection. However, if they are the ones avoiding, who is the one doing the rejecting in that situation? Nobody enjoys being disagreed with, but experiencing it helps us grow. Also, if someone always agrees with us without fail, how authentic do we really think that relationship is?
Having a friend who loves us enough to tell us the truth can protect us from disappointment and, in some cases, disastrous consequences. Also, hearing a different opinion can reinforce our own, help us see the topic in a new way, or perhaps change our minds. Oh no, I just unlocked another fear: change.
Leaving our reality has become easier than changing it for the better. Because of this, often, we don't have the patience to hear about anything that doesn't completely enthrall us. We avoid the possibility of boredom at all costs. We're isolated but too distracted to recognize that's why we're in so much pain. We "Netflix and chill" with our hands firmly grasping the small black buttoned weapon that protects us from the dull.
Overdosing on media is easier than boldly facing the risks and rewards of relationships with others. It's unfortunate because having people in our lives with varying interests and sharing their experiences makes our lives richer and brings joy that we would have missed if we had stayed in our "safe" little bubble.
Since many of us have walled ourselves off from the ups and downs of the unexpected friendships that give life meaning, it's no wonder people are embracing chatbots so quickly. All the bots have to do is sit there and say, "I like all the same things you do, and I always agree with you." I get it. God created a vast variety of different kinds of personalities who have had many disparate experiences.
As a result, sometimes, the lives of others can feel completely alien to our own. Yet when we are willing to look deeper, and value people for their character and not their similarities to us, the stagnancy of our lives melts away, opening the door to new adventures.
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
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I so much appreciate the handful of friendships I have where we are allowed to disagree. That is most often where I find reasons to moderate my opinions and my understanding of the issues. I enjoy the process of learning, and life in an echo chamber seriously limits opportunities to learn. Thank you for a needed commentary. I hope this piece is widely read.
Friendship is a vanishing commodity these days. Self-censorship and self-segregation are increasingly common.
I think it's important to build social ties and community and to be open and honest about your opinions. It can be a bad idea (like in a job interview, or a parent-teacher conference) but there is a kind of duty here: the silence on these topics is what allows people to stay stuck in ideological stagnation and prejudice. Of course, talking to others often improves YOUR views.
I've lost friends due both to the vagaries and distractions of modern life (many relationships are now purely a social media affair) AND due to political discussion. It's definitely easier to avoid topics but I truly believe that if you're kind and understanding most people are approachable on these issues, at least somewhat.
I think it's possible to be friendly and sociable, and to be open and direct about what you believe. Discernment is warranted and compassion is important... but the only way to change people's minds is to communicate with them. Paradoxically, the goal shouldn't be to convince people, but to communicate with them - to sincerely understand what they believe and why.
As you say here, it's possible to connect with people who are much different than ourselves (in terms of beliefs and background and personality) if we stay receptive and open-minded.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/humility-or-hiding/comments
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/talking-to-the-other-side-a-brief/comments