Not Being Affirmed Saved My Life

I was around five years old when I first told my mother I was a “girl trapped in a boy’s body.” Some of my earliest memories are of me talking to a therapist about why I felt that way. This was around the year 2000, long before there was much acceptance in society for men dressing or acting in a gender non-conforming way.

Of course, the only reason I thought I was a girl is because I was naturally drawn to “girl things.” I was told every article of clothing I wanted to put on was “girl clothes” and every toy I selected from the toy aisle was a “girl toy.” In my young mind I thought the explanation was simple- well, I must be a girl then!

I grew up in the late 90s and early 2000s, and I now feel more grateful than ever for being born when I was. Any bullying I dealt with for my femininity taught me how to stand up for myself and because gender ideology was not the widespread belief system it is today, I was able to grow up to realize I was in fact a boy instead of being affirmed and encouraged to transition. 

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In February of this year, the Free Press published an article about therapist Tamara Pietze’s experience being forced to affirm all children’s claims of having gender dysphoria. While working at Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic, Tamara and over 100 other therapists went through mandatory training on “gender-affirming care” during which they were taught to diagnose gender dysphoria in young patients when they met six of the eight characteristics listed below:

• A strong desire/insistence on being another gender

• Strong preference for clothing typically associated with the opposite gender

• Strong preference for toys and games typically associated with the opposite gender

• Strong preference for playmates of the opposite gender

• Strong preference for cross-gender roles during make believe play

• Strong rejection of toys more typically associated with assigned gender 

• Strong dislike of one’s sexual anatomy

• Strong desire for the secondary sex characteristics of the opposite gender

This article horrified me, as did the lack of a response it got from gay men and “LGBT activists.” I am a man, not a transgender woman, and yet I met six of the eight characteristics listed here when I was a child. In fact, I would guess around 90% of adult gay men would say those characteristics describe what they were like as a child.

We now have proof that the medical and mental health industries are pushing young gay boys to transition and almost nobody is talking about it. Apparently the fear of being called “transphobic” by a stranger online is so great that even gay men who know they also would have been misdiagnosed as transgender based on this criteria are remaining silent. 

The most common fear-mongering tactic used against anyone questioning the growing acceptance of minors transitioning is to tell them the child will commit suicide if they are not affirmed and allowed to transition. Not only is this claim completely baseless, but I believe the only reason I did not end up committing suicide is thanks to my mother’s refusal to validate my delusions that I was a girl. If I had socially transitioned as a child, gone on puberty blockers as a pre-teen, and gotten permanent surgeries as a teenager or young adult, I would have ruined my life. 

I would have eventually realized the mistake I had made and been stuck with breasts, numerous side effects from the puberty blockers, and possibly even a surgically-made “vagina” that I would have to dilate for the rest of my life to keep from closing. I would not be in the loving relationship I’ve been in for the last four years, as my partner is a gay man and not attracted to transgender women. I would be stuck as a life-long medical patient, suffering emotionally, physically, and financially from the never-ending hormones, surgeries, and doctor visits. This would ultimately lead me to a state of deep depression and possibly suicide.

While the word transgender was once used to describe men or women  who suffered from gender dysphoria and chose to medically transition in order to live their lives as the opposite sex, radical left activists have since changed its definition so that it is now a vague “umbrella term.” Underneath this supposed “umbrella” is an endless list of other vague terms such as nonbinary, gender fluid, and agender.

These labels are just a small part of the convoluted beliefs of gender ideology, which is currently being taught in public schools throughout the country. It is no wonder so many children and young adults are suddenly believing they are trans or nonbinary, as they are being told that if you are not 100% stereotypically masculine or feminine, you are not really a man or a woman. Despite being promoted by so-called “progressives,” gender ideology is in fact blatantly sexist and homophobic. 

As far as I’m concerned, there are really only two different ways a person can think about gender:

Option 1 is the belief that there are very strict roles & behaviors that men and women must abide by. (Men must be stereotypically masculine and women must be stereotypically feminine.)

Option 2 is the belief that there are infinite ways to be a man or a woman and all are acceptable. (Men can wear makeup and show their emotions, women can have short hair and have “masculine” qualities.)

If you believe option one, you have a very sexist and regressive way of thinking. If you believe option two- which most leftists would say they do- then that completely eliminates any need for the term “non-binary,” because you can’t “not feel like a man or a woman” if you believe there is an infinite number of ways to be a man or a woman. In order to follow this ideology, you must ignore the constant contradictions and circular thinking within its teachings. 

I am deeply concerned for young lesbians, gay men, and gender-nonconforming people who are falling victim to this mindset. I know I would have ended up a victim of it if my parents and doctors had blindly affirmed my claims of being a girl when I was a child. Those who decide to latch onto the “non-binary” label most likely won’t deal with extreme consequences since the non-binary identity is essentially meaningless and requires no changes other than adding the words “they/them” to your social media bios.

However, children and young adults who incorrectly believe they are transgender despite not suffering from gender dysphoria are often not so lucky. As the trendiness of being trans continues to grow, so does the number of detransitioners struggling with the effects of the medical decisions their parents allowed them to make as minors. Adults should feel a moral obligation to help these misguided children, especially if they were once a confused, gender nonconforming child themselves. 

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.