My Battle with Male Body Image

Body image is something that has come to the forefront of our health landscape. Like many other things, a pendulum has swung toward radical acceptance of being overweight or obese. We see “healthy at any weight” and fat acceptance/embrace pushed in the media, but that has mostly been pushed by women for women to hit back at “western standards of beauty”. 

Evolution is a hell of a drug and it’s not incorrect to say people that meet western standards of beauty (strength, agility, muscle) are more likely to survive physical combat or when the going gets tough. Evolution wasn’t invented by white imperialists or whatever patriarchal nonsense you want to blame. However, women aren’t alone in this regard. The standard for beauty also exists among men because for every Victoria secret model pushed on women, you have a Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, or He Man cartoon pushed on young boys and men. 

However, not everyone has the paid celebrity chefs and trainers to achieve it. But does that mean we throw the baby out with the bath water in terms of striving to look our best by eating the proper nutrition and exercising? Does having a lower body fat percentage mean that statistically you are less likely to die early or from disease than someone who has a lot of fat? Unequivocally, the answer is yes. 

I’m not here to fat shame you or guilt you. The truth is I’ve long suffered from an eating disorder/body image disorder for the last twenty plus years. And let me first start by saying this isn’t playing the victim card. It’s my first step in my journey on the way to self-empowerment, and I’m here, writing it down, sharing it with you. You can’t fix something or take control of something without first identifying what is holding you back from your goals. Are you going to be the master of your fate and destiny or are you going to let what you don’t like about yourself control what you eat and how you socialize? 

Have you been on a diet and starved yourself as you watched your friends eat to gluttony only for your will to diet to break down as you shovel the cake you’ve missed so much into your mouth and gain the weight right back again and then some? Have you looked in the mirror and not liked what you saw and then said to yourself, well I guess I’m not eating much for the next two weeks? I want you to know that I can feel your story and I hope that reading mine can help you. 

When I was in first grade, I’d sit listening to the teacher read, aware of my fat rolls creasing together as I was seated and not paying at all attention to the book. I would go to summer camp when I was 10 years old, watch my campmates eat a lot as I worked my butt off exercising only to have only lost 4 pounds while other friends lost way more and actually enjoyed themselves. While other kids were at camp having fun, having first kisses, and eating good, I was trying to lose and keep weight off so that I wouldn’t have to shop at the husky store. I was too scared to talk to girls because I thought nobody would want to talk to the chubby kid. 

As soon as I was of age to join a gym, I did. I began to basically starve myself and run constantly. In high school, for a long period of time, the only thing I ate was salad. I’m slightly under 5’6” and I was down to 118 pounds, and I still saw myself as fat. I never stopped looking down and finding a pouch or a tummy to criticize. I look back on pictures today of that boy as I sit at 146 pounds and think to myself wow, look at that innocent suffering little boy who’s about to be stepped on by women that didn’t deserve him because he didn’t respect or even deserve himself. 

I have been in therapy and tried every diet and exercise fad there is. They’ve never worked. Nobody can take back control of your life but you. This isn’t some motivational spiel but the truth. In the maelstrom of bullshit that you’re wading around, the only factor that matters is what lies in your character. My new life starts today. I don’t have it all together yet, I truly don’t. I have no idea what I should be eating but I know that it’s not found anywhere in the aisles of the grocery store filled with fillers and chemicals. 

I have no idea how many days a week I should work out or what workouts I should do but I know it’s not 6-7 days a week with never taking a rest day to recover. I know it’s not doing random HIIT workouts. I’m going to start lifting, more and more, progressive overload. I’m going to start eating MORE food, not less, but good food like proteins and unprocessed carbohydrates and limit my sugar intake. I’m going to take the power back, starting today.

For me, taking that power back has started by hiring a fitness and nutrition coach recommended to me by a friend who specializes in body movement/postural restoration. Our technology has given us access to coaches across the globe at a more affordable cost than going to your local gym. It makes sense that I’ve been doing fitness and nutrition all wrong because I know nothing about either. 

Already I’ve learned that I don’t eat enough or lift enough and that I work out too much. I’m going to be moving to working out 4 days a week instead of the 6-7 days a week, sometimes multiple times a day that I’ve been doing for the last 15 years. That’s 3 days a week of life I’ve been missing because I had to go to the gym or else “I’d gain weight overnight” as I’ve been telling myself. Gone are the days of my focus on Cardio and HIIT workouts till I collapsed as I listened to “Til I Collapse”.

I don’t know what this road will look like as I embark on it but for the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve got a game plan. Maybe most of you reading this haven’t suffered from an eating disorder or body image disorder, but if you have, I hope you can read this and know you’re not alone. 

My new ethos are this: 

I’m going to listen to my body. 

I’m going to take my life back.

I’m done being a slave to food.