There is a lot of commentary in the Christian community about marriage roles. One of the many things I learned when I recently spent a year on X was that those of us on the right are surrounded by men of royal extraction. I often would see gentlemen with glimmering pixel crowns in their bios, symbolizing their role of authority in their realm/family. It appears that this proliferation of monarchy is part of a campaign by some in the Christian and conservative communities to assert rigid marriage roles.
It seems like people are always looking for a rule or a formula. However, love and respect go a long way in most situations, as Jesus said in Matthew 22:37-40. Secure, emotionally healthy women don't want to dominate their husbands, and secure, emotionally healthy men want to look out for everyone in their family's best interest. We should focus more on loving people and less on developing regulations for each other's roles.
Many on the right use overboard feminism and the left's dismissal of the role of men as an excuse to discard women's equality. Like with empathy and many other virtues, the only thing the left has to do to get some Christians to abandon a godly principle is to abuse it. We should be tethered to the truth, not reactionary against the left.
When people reference Ephesians 5, they often leave off verse 21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That describes mutual respect, not a driver and a pit crew. Also, men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. That passage does not describe a husband who only seeks his own fulfillment but someone who wants his whole family to thrive and express their gifts to the best of their ability.
Many rigid marriage role adherents portray a wife's role as a sidekick or NPC. Yet, the word Ezer, or helper, that God uses to describe Eve is used twenty-one times in the Bible, and usually, it refers to a powerful nation or God Himself. That sounds more like a strong ally than a personal assistant. Our female missionaries around the world are just some of the many women who bear witness to that title.
The women who follow rigid marriage roles should remember that God relates to us as individuals. He is a jealous God and doesn't put up with us worshiping anyone but Him. Men are not the kings or demigods of their families. We can't draft into heaven behind our husbands. Ultimately, both men and women will stand before God alone. We will give an account of our lives, whether for reward or judgment.
A true leader never has to say, "I'm in charge!" because people want him to lead due to his leadership qualities. The Bible makes it clear that God takes the responsibility that he gives people to look out for others very seriously. Everyone must do their part, but when we love our family, providing for their needs is like breathing; nobody has to tell us to do it. However, God has given us all many dreams, aspirations, and abilities to use to glorify Him, and they won't be the same for everyone.
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
When I read the title of your piece I expected another beat down of Harrison Butker's speech. Not. You nailed this subject. Thank you for a detailed and thoughtful read on family leadership. I've heard it said that, if done as scripture says, the male 'headship' role would be applauded by those who reject the notion now. You make that case well.
"22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing b her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. "
The whole be the head of the family stuff sounds quite empowering until one realizes that Christ took responsibility for the sins of his church by dying for them.