For most of us, who have to fend for ourselves, life can be pretty hard. Daunting sometimes, in fact.
Most people are supported through school, but they’re expected to use that time to formulate a plan for self-sufficiency afterward. Few develop any idea about what they actually want to do, of course, and wind up taking whatever source of income presents itself when that time comes. Many bounce around from job to job for years, jumping on incremental improvements in salary or working conditions. Some latch onto an early job scenario, gaining experience and seniority to gradually work their way up the ladder to make it a career (usually one they would never have envisioned for themselves when they were younger).
A select few have the focus to recognize what they want at an early age, and the drive to make it happen. These individuals often become leaders in their industry of choice, doing what they love and being paid handsomely for it. But as we all know, they are not the majority.
For the majority, life happens in its own time frame and ignores what works best for us. We’re genetically inclined to start thinking about children and families at an age when many can’t even change a light bulb. But biology prevails, and for many, an existence of keeping your family’s heads above water begins in early adulthood and becomes all they ever know.
Years go by, faster with each passing one. Things we want to do, with this one life we’re given, fade into obscurity - pipe dreams to psychologically escape our inexorable march toward death after a respectable life. By the time many are financially secure enough to pursue their dreams, they’re age-inhibited from enjoying those dreams to their fullest. So they often eschew their goals because the emotional profit margins don’t add up when there’s not enough time left in the game.
I always thought that way. I focused on “doing everything the right way”, as if some cosmic karma would balance the scales and bestow upon me some glorious second half to my life. I worried more about the needs of those around me than I did my own.
Then one day my sister, well into her 30s, decided to go back to college to get her Bachelor’s Degree. Not as a necessity to advance her career, but because she wanted to. My first thoughts were, why? She’d likely be well into her 40s by the time she earned it going part time while working, and it was unlikely she’d use it to start a whole new career at that stage. What was the point?
She told me, “The time is going to pass anyway, and I’ll be 5 years older in 5 years regardless. But this way, I’ll have the degree that I want”.
That really stuck with me. I’d always looked at things from a perspective of investment vs. benefit, and overlooked the simple feeling of personal accomplishment. I started thinking more about the things I wanted from my own life, and worried less about how much time I’d have to experience them.
A few years later, it came up again, when she decided to have her first child at 43. My initial reactions were all focused on the potential negatives, but she simplified it once again. “I want to be a mother. It didn’t happen for me in my 20s; should I just relinquish that now that I have an opportunity in my 40s?” Since she was in good health and a stable marriage, I had to agree.
I always wanted to run my own business, but continued working for others due to fear of not being able to ride out the growing pains (most new businesses, if they’re even successful, go years before turning real profits). So I kept riding the status quo, waiting for an opportunity that would never come until I created it, until I reached an age where I wondered whether I would even be around to taste the fruits of my labors if I succeeded.
When we moved from New York to Florida, I had to start over at 50. I decided it was now or never, and started my own company. I had to stop thinking about whether I’d be too old to enjoy it once it became successful, and remember to enjoy the accomplishment of just being my own boss. Eight years later, it’s still relatively small, but it employs other people and keeps my family comfortable. And while I’m not any younger, I can still enjoy the autonomy it provides me.
The same goes for my writing. I always wanted to write a book, but never had the time. (I know I’m not alone in that regard.) I was 50 years old and relocated to Florida when I decided to stop wanting and start doing. Now, I’m putting the finishing touches on my 3rd book.
Whatever you might think about aging and missed opportunities, always remember that we only get one shot at this. The time will pass whether or not you act, so don’t let outside noise get in the way of your dreams. It really is never too late.
Zephareth Ledbetter’s latest book, “A White Man’s Perspectives on Race and Racism - Rational Thoughts on an Irrational World”, is available cheap at smashwords.com/books/view/1184004
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
 | A guest post by
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“Either life is meaningful or it’s meaningless.” (Viktor Frankl)
Less can sometimes mean more.
A meaningful life does not depend on its duration.
Meaning is about value and significance: It refers to the subjective and objective value ascribed to experiences, relationships, and actions.
Purpose is about action and direction: It is the overarching aim that guides choices and gives a sense of direction and intention.
The length of time in life can impact the opportunities to pursue goals and develop meaningful connections. However:
* A long life without purpose and meaning can feel empty and unfulfilling. As Abraham Lincoln is believed to have said, "It's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."
* A shorter life, lived with intention and meaningful pursuits, can be deeply fulfilling. Existentialist philosophers emphasize that humans are responsible for creating their own meaning and purpose through their choices, regardless of how long they live. As Viktor Frankl argued, meaning can be found even in the most challenging circumstances.
My brother died in his early 50s from cancer that quickly overwhelmed his body. Had he just died the day after he found out about his cancer his life would have amounted to little.
Sad to say but my brother wasn’t a man to be admired for much—just potential he had wasted.
But when he found out he was going to die, he suddenly took action; not out of fear of death, but maybe to put some meaning into what remained of his life.
My brother lived about 3 months (he and I spend many days together—me driving him to doctor appointments and chemo or whatever). He found dignity in knowing that the end was near. It became important to live well (he got a brand new apartment and hired a professional decorator). He spent time with his two young adult children.
When he eventually entered hospice care he quickly became a living corpse. Because his death was during the early months of COVID fear kept our parents away (they said their final words to his lifeless body on FaceTime as did many). I saw him that final morning and encouraged our other brother to get his children there that day. My niece and nephew arrived later that afternoon, only minutes before he quietly died. He was 53 years old and lived his best days those final three months. Finally, he lived well: with courage and honesty and grace.
Society seems to gradually be organizing itself to constrain independent and nonconformist dreamers and builders... slowly enough that we barely notice the changes. It's still possible to operate on the margins, doing your own thing (I've done it for years) but you'll risk obscurity and poverty - and those things usually entail some degree of romantic failure.
Things will (might) change when people realize that the promises of ambition and conformity don't justify a life lived inside others' boundaries. People these days are just exceedingly fearful of risk and of discomfort. That's a difficult attribute to eliminate, but it can be reduced. Reducing it should be the goal of every pro-freedom and pro-diversity person in our society. Comfort and herdlike dependence simply CAN'T generate maximal fulfillment, at least for many people. I truly believe that.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/risk-taking-and-conformity