“Hmm, I wonder what my child would like to do?” I thought as I walked around Meijer with the best intentions. Easter crafts were 25% off leading up to the holiday, you see, and given the rainy weather forecast, I wanted to be prepared to offer a fun, indoor activity we could do together.
A relative was watching my toddler, so it was just my newborn and me, so this was the perfect time to shop for the perfect basket to surprise her as well.
I decided dipping eggs would frustrate my three-year-old since we’re still working on eye-hand coordination, and she hates getting her sleeves wet currently, but painting little cardboard eggs would be better, so I picked up a kit.
Unfortunately, I have not been cleared postpartum to run and jump at this time, so museums and large indoor spaces on rainy days (like indoor playgrounds, museums, science centers) were not in the cards right now, especially on my own with both kids.
So baking brownies, painting eggs, playing in the yard, and perhaps a story time at the local library would have to do! We probably won’t have time for all of those before nap time, but that’s alright. I love having multiple plans!
As a stay-at-home mom, I wear many hats, and the one above is my favorite: “program director”. Curating activities we can do together is something I am talented at, and it’s something I’m passionate about doing. What looks like fun outings is actually filling up my child’s brain with learning, socializing, and motor skill activities while her brain is developing.
I want her to be prepared for school and be a confident, secure child.
One time I asked my husband what I was the absolute best at, as a stay-at-home mom, talent-wise. He told me he loved the way I cared for our only child.
At first, for some reason, that bothered me. “Not my cooking? Or cleaning?” I thought. Why, I’m not really sure, maybe it’s some of my old prejudice towards being a stay-at-home mom in the first place that caused me to respond this way.
I never imagined myself to be a stay-at-home mom, to be honest, I wasn’t the nurturing type, but once I held my baby in my arms, that was it…I didn’t want to work anymore, especially while my kids are little.
That doesn’t mean my life is this idyllic, running through flower fields in dresses, trad-wife vision, because none of that is real. Like anything you do, some days are better than others.
Today, as I write this was an extremely stressful morning. My toddler wanted a ton of attention from me, which would have been fine except the newborn was having stomach issues (and also needing attention), and I needed to eat food, and so I was a little more short-tempered than usual.
My poor firstborn kept saying, “Sorry I made you mad outside,” and I repeatedly said to her I wasn’t mad, I was overwhelmed trying to take care of both of them (and myself), and that she did nothing wrong.
Other days, like Wednesday, were total bliss. My newborn ate and slept for 2.5-3 hours, and in between, my toddler and I played, and the day ran smoothly.
But boring? Repetitive? Definitely not how I would describe it. I would best describe it as a nurse, but with fewer people and stakes. Constantly triaging, trying to put things in order of their importance.
But as I write this, we made it through our first week with my husband back at work, and my newborn will be one month old next week! And that’s an accomplishment!
One of my mutuals on social media posted this, and I think it’s a good thing to remember:
Sometimes, as I’m trying to put away a load of laundry, load and unload the dishwasher, sweep, or do any kind of housework, it’s hard to remember this principle.
I was holding my newborn close to me recently, and I began to cry. Not out of exhaustion but out of this realization: that my kids are growing up.
That, my dear baby girl, isn’t going to be a baby forever. That my three-year-old won’t always mispronounce “Water” as “Wa wa”. That one day my little ones will be off to school, and that I love them so much, I don’t want this time we have together to end.
Obviously, being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everyone. The hours are brutal, the stress levels, depending on your personality and how much support you have, can be extremely high.
I reached a sort of breaking point when my newborn turned two months old, and I realized I needed to prioritize my sleep a lot more in order to keep my mind in a healthy place.
You can’t fill from an empty cup. And these kids only have one mom, so I’d better take care of myself.
But lots of other jobs have extreme hours and stress. And, just like any other career choice, I don’t feel as though I “lost” who I am.
I will always be a mom, and that will never change. But the choice to stay at home with my kids doesn’t define me. I’m still just as ambitious, curious, and hard-working as I was when I first entered the workforce for pay.
I didn’t lose myself. I simply found a new place to channel my talents.
I find the work meaningful. Every day, I see my toddler’s behavior get a little better, and she conquers new things I taught her. Little by little, she’s getting prepared for the next step, school.
I’m proud of what my husband and I have accomplished working as a team together. And I look forward to watching our newest addition grow.
Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.
I didn't lose myself either. I loved it (most of the time) and cherish the memories now that my children are grown.
This is great. Many women complain about losing themselves in motherhood, especially as a stay at home mother. What helped you not to lose yourself?