Choose Your Words Wisely

People out here get into too many pointless arguments in bad situations because they feel like rambling is the way to avoid fighting. You're prolonging things. Unless you're trying to convert someone, less is more. 

Learn how to weaponize your words to end conflict before it escalates.

Let me start with what I mean by that. In prison, we had a term called “Checking”. Checking someone was normally your immediate response whenever someone stepped out of line with you. It wasn't an argument, it was utilizing your words to force him to back down. It was an attempt to prevent violence. A method that almost always worked when applied correctly.

Back when I was training Young-bloods to fight, I incorporated this into what I wanted them to learn. I'd ask them, “why do we beat the hell outta someone?”. They'd always give me a list of tough guy answers until I'd explain, “We do it so they're not a threat anymore. We fuck ‘em up so they get back down where they belong”. Then I'd continue, “the thing is, anyone can lose a fight. Getting whooped can be overlooked so long as he steps. But only a punk backs down. Ain't no man coming back from that. That's why you check ‘em first. See if you can get that no-hit-quit”.

You would be astonished at the impact backing down has on a man's psyche when he does so without violence. It's more destructive than a broken jaw. That wound will heal however a cowardly act will influence his behavior forever. Most times it's not even a wound he understands. He's simply diminished and weaker, even in his own perception.

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The best part is, this shields you from most consequences that normally accompany a confrontation. That's another reason why I would push this onto the guys I was also teaching to fight. Do what you gotta do, but do it in a way you can get away with if possible. 

Checking someone, when done correctly, can be accomplished on camera, in front of a crowd, and there'd be nothing anyone could do to punish you. I could check someone, convince you your life is in danger, with a police officer listening to our conversation and he'd have to throw his hand up and say there's nothing he can do about that.

Welcome to the Convict school for psychological warfare.

First thing, your word selection is the least important part of this. The only thing about what words you use that matters is being cautious to not say anything that could be used against you if it were read from a transcript of a trial. That's an extreme example however it's the amount of caution you should apply. “I'm going to beat your ass” is how a crash-dummy words things. First, you're probably not going to because that's a cry for someone to intervene, and second, you've opened yourself up to consequences for threatening someone. All of the baggage, none of the benefits.

My go-to with anyone I feel has a problem with me has always been stepping in close and quietly asking “Did I do something to disrespect you?”. Say those words out loud. Tell me where the threat is. I'm not exposed.

The reason I use those words specifically is because it puts the weight of what happens next onto my opponent. In a confrontation, pressure like that has a large impact on his ability to process. Simultaneously, it offers the almost irresistible temptation to respond “No”, which is a trap. If he instinctively avoids conflict by taking the easy off-ramp offered to him, he may not even realize he backed down until later. 

However, words don't matter without presentation. You can utilize any phrase you'd like so long as it puts what follows onto him. What really matters is how you present yourself in that moment. “7% of meaning is communicated through spoken word, 38% through tone of voice, and 55% through body language”.

Many would disagree with me however I don't like raising my tone. The more grave the situation, the quieter I become. I want the person I'm speaking with to realize that I don't want anyone to overhear what I'm saying. Yes, loud is easily more frightening, however, it also exposes you. The goal is to get your message across without leaving your intentions exposed. Lower your natural tone, avoid upward inflections, and hit hard consonants. Make your words sound like you're pointing your finger at them.

Here, body language is everything. My guys would resist when I'd instruct them to literally practice in the mirror in their cell, however it was necessary most times. Lacking confidence in your delivery will actually place you in greater danger, not less. If you can't sell it, they won't buy it.

The average person gets this message across by clenching their fists or through intense eye contact. I don't like these because they're similar to yelling and too obvious when there are equally effective ways that do not project so loudly to people who may be watching.

I stand too close, really invading your personal space, almost like I'm leaning in to tell you a secret. I want you to hear my shallow breathing as I speak to the side of your neck rather than your ear. My right hand moving between the narrow space between our bodies with sharp movements. I'm jabbing a pointed finger, just not at you. My hand accenting “disrespect you” as if I were cocking a 12 gauge shotgun. 

As your eyes naturally follow the movement of my hand, they'll instinctively notice my rear foot braced sideways behind me. My upper body hasn't squared up to fight, which everyone can see, however, my feet are planted for one, which you can see. The lizard part of your brain recognizes that I can unload on you as I am whereas you'll have to back away before being able to do the same or even defend. You may not even know you noticed these things, but that primal part of your subconscious did. 

Lastly, have a response ready in the chamber. Any variation of “No” gets a “Good, glad we worked this out” style reply. They backed down, you won. Any variation of “Yes” gets a “What are you gonna do about that?” follow-up. 

Always put the ball back into their court. If it still escalates, it's better when they swing first. It's not the disadvantage people think it is if you're prepared. Plus, it looks good on camera and to witnesses. Always be planning for your defense after your “defense”. My experience doing this is that it almost never reaches that point.

Quit being wordy when you have a problem with someone. No one wants to hear y'all argue. If you're not mad enough to fight over it, you're not actually mad. So just cut it off and move on. Most things can be finished before they start. 

Adjust this advice to whatever suits you best. The point is if you use your words right, you won't need to use your hands or even more words. 

Do you understand?

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.