Canada, The World’s Newest Banana Republic

Banana Republics are usually warm places where bananas grow. In the newly minted but awfully cold banana republic called Canada, we grow bananas, too, but they’re the human kind. 

Our bananas are the ones that smile and say completely bizarre things with a straight face like “a man is a woman if he says so.” This has led to zero police protection for little girls so that when naked men walk around their locker room, the police do nothing. Why? 

Because in Canada if a man says he’s a woman it’s his human right to flash his privates at girls in locker rooms any time he’d like. According to one city official, "Gender identity is a protected right under the … Human Rights Code” and the city must “accommodate transgender members of our community." 

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Back in 2016, our Chief Banana, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, made it a human right for men to claim women’s spaces if the men claim they are women. We have a 50-year-old man who likes to wear dresses now undressing with little girls in the women’s change room because he’s part of the girls’ swim team. “The girls were terrified”, said one parent whose daughter had to share a locker room with him. 

Did parents openly complain? No. They could be charged with a hate crime and their jobs could be in jeopardy. After all, bananas now run Canadian companies, too, where trans rights are intermingled with racist preferential hiring practices that hide behind the guise of corporate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion policies. These policies can be neatly summed up in one sentence: “Straight white men need not apply”. Not one banana is apologizing for it.

You may say that whacky laws do not a banana republic make. You need the chilling effect of police and other government officials corruptly going after the political opponents of the ruling party. Not to worry. Our Chief Banana and his Gang have that covered. 

During the Freedom Convoy in the winter of 2022, if you interacted with a Facebook group that was cheering the convoy on, you might have received a knock at your door and found a police officer standing there. That’s what happened to Nadine Ellis-Maffei. 

And of course, by now, many people have witnessed what happened to peaceful protesters singing Canada’s national anthem: police on horseback were sent in to trample them, including one disabled indigenous grandmother who was knocked from her wheelchair and ended up under a horse’s feet and then in hospital.

The Freedom Convoy had started as a bunch of truckers who felt the vaccine mandate was wrong and so in the winter of 2022, a group gathered on the west coast of British Columbia and began the 3,000+ mile drive across this vast country. Along the way, they gathered steam as hundreds of other truckers joined in. Hundreds more decided to come in from the East Coast to meet up in Ottawa. Average Canadians began to cheer them on, lining up along the highway and on overpasses, bundled up in their parkas, and jumping up and down to keep their feet warm. 

Our Chief Banana immediately called the truckers Nazis. 

Nazis? That’s a bit extreme, I thought. His vitriol against the truckers and his contempt for the working class is what made me go to Ottawa to join them. For the record, I’m vaxxed and boosted. I went to support freedom.

I witnessed these “Nazis” in action, first-hand. They set up free food stations and fed the homeless. They shoveled the snow and cleaned up bags of garbage. They arranged for music and we danced and sang in front of Parliament. The men also set up hot tubs and bouncy castles for the kids. It became a spontaneous winter festival as well as a protest.

But we’d forgotten we were living in a banana republic. Our Prime Minister wouldn’t rest until he could crush the spirit of these truckers and their families. Here’s just a snippet of what Justin Trudeau wrought upon Canadians:

• To freeze out the truckers, GoFundMe was told to block our donations 

• Police seized the truckers’ fuel and made it illegal to give them food or fuel to keep warm

• It became illegal to honk – resulting in a rather brutal police arrest of an elderly great-grandfather for the crime of honking

• In an effort to frighten the truckers, police began to openly consider bringing in Children’s Aid to take their children from them. They also told the truckers that their dogs just might be taken to the Humane Society (where they’d be put up for adoption after 8 days)

• Four men are still in prison without parole two years on and a trial date has yet to be set

• The Freedom Convoy’s spokespeople were imprisoned for “mischief”. Tamara Lich and Chris Barber are now enduring a long, expensive trial.

Recently, a respected Federal Court judge found that (suh-prise!) our Prime Minister illegally invoked the Emergencies Act which he then used to freeze the bank accounts of over 200 people. Freezing a family’s money supply means they can’t buy groceries, pay their mortgage, or keep their house warm in winter. Illegally punishing the families of your political opponents is common in your average banana republic.

True to form, the government has decided it disagreed with the Federal Court’s ruling that it broke the law of the land. Last week, our Chief Banana announced he plans to appeal [every pun intended].

Maret Jaks is a tech consultant and writer living in Canada. She is the founder of the podcast and substack Not Your Donkey – a place where we have open and honest conversations and bray freely. Her “X” handle is @MaretJaks and her next book is “Corporate Communism: Feeling Good Doing Evil.”

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.