Bringing "Game" to the Church Youth Group

Approaching Girls as Christian Discipleship

“No girls and boys sitting on benches together.” A local church camp has been adding rules to curb the frivolous (and even sinful) pairing off that distracts from the Bible. It’s a mistake.

Both Christian and secular culture tends to dismiss the “raging hormones” of teen boys as something to roll their eyes at. But what if the hormones are right, and we’re the ones who are crazy?

I’ve been digging into the historical novels of Sigrid Undset—stories of life in medieval Norway that have been classics for a century, only now available in good English translations. They’re a breath of fresh air from another world. The stories of medieval teens awakening to love and desire are compelling. And the reaction of adults of the time? To warn them of the gravity of their lifelong decisions, and equip and guide them to direct their passions well. Young hormones were taken seriously.

What if we saw burgeoning manhood as a call to discipleship?

We Christians are sitting on a gold mine of cultural opportunity. Questions of male/female dynamics are at the forefront of public discourse. Public opinion is shifting away from gender constructionism and toward recognizing that male and female matter. Furthermore, article after article highlights the ways that young men are disillusioned and struggling—especially in the dating world.

Scripture doesn’t treat sexuality as an unwelcome distraction. The very first chapter of the Bible has God creating man and woman and telling them to come together, and speaks of our collective relationship with God as a husband to his wife. A young man’s feelings about girls are at the very heart of Christian discipleship. Shepherding these feelings will guide him into Christian manhood and into communion with God who created man in his image.

For me personally, learning the tools to shepherd my male drive as an adult was game changing. Like many Christian married men, I struggled with porn addiction and a lackluster bedroom. And the path to freedom was a late-stage rite of passage into manhood—gaining the self-leadership to direct my own virility not just in sex but in all aspects of my life.

Middle aged men that I’ve coached have found these tools life changing, but they almost always say “why didn’t I learn this in high school?” So let’s start then—right at the moment the young men are struggling with the awakening of their powerful sex drives. The world certainly doesn’t wait until middle age to corrupt their hearts. Let’s have youth group and church camp include a journey into manhood.

I wrote “The Way of Men and Maids” as a curriculum for just this. It answers practical questions about manhood, women, attraction, leadership, and sexuality in the context of the journey of Christian discipleship. I include discussion questions, devotionals, and field exercises at the end of each chapter, so that young men can work through it together in bands of brothers. And the book has proven helpful for adult single and married men as well, giving them a common framework to engage the young men in their lives.

Building on this, I envision Christians hosting dances, banquets, and meetups for young people. Rather than being paranoid about premarital sex, we’ll show the young men how to channel their desire toward their God-given mission and how sexual sin traps and weakens them (with clear strategies for overcoming it.)

Then the boys in our churches will be on track to become confident men equipped to win at love. They’ll have clarity around their mission, strength in their leadership, and the courage to take bold risks. They won’t just stop being intimidated by girls—they’ll have fun engaging with them. In their relationships, they won’t be flying blind. They’ll have a vision to offer women and the skills to weather the storms that come. Finally, their sex drive won’t be a snare—it’ll be a fire fueling their impact in all areas of life.

Wrong Speak is a free-expression platform that allows varying viewpoints. All views expressed in this article are the author's own.