For those of us who are lucky enough to have found the right partner, who is not only selfless to us but who brings out selflessness in us, we should count our blessings. What we discover is that, ironically, when we look out for each other more than ourselves, without conditions or ulterior motives, we receive more in return than we could have expected had we selfishly put ourselves first. When you have that, life's trials become mere obstacles to circumvent, and few things seem so tragic because despite them you have the only thing you really need. Being with the right person is truly fulfilling, and you have clearly found the right person for you. Best wishes for a full recovery. ZL
As a single man who used dating apps for years (and has now left them altogether), the most frustrating thing for me is that people (women) only HALF-believe in love these days. They believe in chemistry, feelings, vibes, and support... but duty, routine, and commitment have mostly flown out of the window.
Young women select candidates based on superficial attributes on the apps (meaning that most women are clustering around 5-10% of men, who are therefore les amenable to committing to any one), use an outlook which is completely dependent upon 'chemistry' to decide whether to proceed... and cut and run when things seem difficult or less than ideal. Women are telling themselves a story which focuses on 'communication' and 'honesty' but are executing programs much more dependent upon attractiveness and charisma and excitement. Add in the factors of career / pets / friends/ vacations (dating relationships are prioritized below all of these) and is it any wonder that people are lonely these days?
I have run these ideas by a number of women. They don't refute them, exactly, but they don't seem to want to discuss or consider them. It's as if they want to stay in the pleasant headspace that expectations and Sex and the City have constructed. That's not helpful for long-term commitment either, unfortunately.
For those of us who are lucky enough to have found the right partner, who is not only selfless to us but who brings out selflessness in us, we should count our blessings. What we discover is that, ironically, when we look out for each other more than ourselves, without conditions or ulterior motives, we receive more in return than we could have expected had we selfishly put ourselves first. When you have that, life's trials become mere obstacles to circumvent, and few things seem so tragic because despite them you have the only thing you really need. Being with the right person is truly fulfilling, and you have clearly found the right person for you. Best wishes for a full recovery. ZL
Sasha defines love and kindness. We need more of her in this world.
As a single man who used dating apps for years (and has now left them altogether), the most frustrating thing for me is that people (women) only HALF-believe in love these days. They believe in chemistry, feelings, vibes, and support... but duty, routine, and commitment have mostly flown out of the window.
Young women select candidates based on superficial attributes on the apps (meaning that most women are clustering around 5-10% of men, who are therefore les amenable to committing to any one), use an outlook which is completely dependent upon 'chemistry' to decide whether to proceed... and cut and run when things seem difficult or less than ideal. Women are telling themselves a story which focuses on 'communication' and 'honesty' but are executing programs much more dependent upon attractiveness and charisma and excitement. Add in the factors of career / pets / friends/ vacations (dating relationships are prioritized below all of these) and is it any wonder that people are lonely these days?
I have run these ideas by a number of women. They don't refute them, exactly, but they don't seem to want to discuss or consider them. It's as if they want to stay in the pleasant headspace that expectations and Sex and the City have constructed. That's not helpful for long-term commitment either, unfortunately.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/serenity-self-indulgence
Women will usually stay if the man gets a bad diagnosis. Men, not so much.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer